


Three Nights in the Xhorhaus

by BetsyOrNotBetsy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Frumpkin is a matchmaker, Or else Oops, Other Mighty Nein Members, i hope it snows in xhorhas, magic is a love language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29982915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetsyOrNotBetsy/pseuds/BetsyOrNotBetsy
Summary: When Caleb and Jester find themselves snowed in together at the Xhorhaus, they come to terms with what they both want their relationship to be.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	1. Leaving

It was snowing in Rosohna.

A light, calm snow that was nonetheless piling up on the windowsills and balconies and rooftops. The first few days, Jester was elated. Growing up on the Menagerie Coast, she had never seen snow. She had read about it in her books, there were some great scenes where the beautiful maid and the handsome knight had to share blankets- and more- for warmth during cold, snowy nights. And traveling, in Uthodurn, there was only like a day or so to enjoy it.

So she took advantage of the time to experience snow. She filled the front yard with snowmen. Some of them were even anatomically correct, and she made sure those were facing the rude neighbor next door. She painted the Tree covered in icicles.

Jester was even able to convince Veth to coordinate a no holds barred snowball fight- Jester, Fjord, Veth, and Caduceus against Beau, Caleb, and Yasha. Fjord had used Control Water to dump a large amount of snow on top of the trio, but Caleb had melted it and then Beau had rapid fired a whole round of snowballs right in their midst.

Each side insisted they had won.

But after the third day, when the snow was getting a bit too deep to comfortably walk in, the shops were closing up due to the amount of snow, and the cocoa was all gone, a message from Marion gave just the distraction Jester needed.

Seems that a client had admitted to the Ruby that she had stolen a very valuable magical artifact- from another of the Ruby’s clients, oddly enough. And if Jester and the Nein had nothing else to do, could they possibly come to Nicodranas and retrieve the wand? It was a very dangerous artifact that should probably stay with someone who knew how to properly use it.

And so the Nein gathered in the Happy Room, plush rugs and floor pillows moved aside to make room for Caleb’s teleportation circle.

“Hmmm, I’m running low on chalk…” Caleb muttered, filling in the arcane runes. “I have enough for this circle, but I’ll need to get more in Nicodranas.”

“Did we tell Yussa that we’re dropping in on him? He’s gonna be pissed if we just roll up!” Beau said. “Where’s Jess? Can you send a message?”

“Of course I can send a message! I’m right here! I was finishing putting on my boots!” Jester bounded into the room, curls bouncing, her new boots clicking on the floor. They were in a Xhorhassian style, which she thought contrasted very nicely with her bright Nicodrana dress. “Fjord, count for meee!”

Fjord dutifully held up his fists, ready for the message.

“Heeeeeeeyy Yussa it’s the Mighty Nein can we come through your houuuuse we have something to do in Nicodranas we have some more tea for—“ the message cut off.

After a few moments, a long suffering sigh sounded in her ear. “Hello, Jester. The tea would be nice. When will your wizard learn to teleport without my help?”

“Okay so Yussa says he is SO EXCITED to see us and he is SUPER EXCITED for more tea and also he wants to know if Caleb is single!”

Beau let out a guffaw of laughter. “GET IT, Caleb! All the hot wizards knocking on your door!”

Caleb was flushed to the roots of his hair. “I am very certain that Yussa did not say that.”

“How do you know? Did you already ask him out and get rejected? Oh, Caleb. You are too good for him anyway!” Veth placed a kiss on the top of Caleb’s head.

“No! I did not ask him out! Do you want me to finish the runes or not?”

The group shared a last chuckle at Caleb’s embarrassment.

“Are we all ready? Have everything we need? Then here we go!”

And Caleb finished the last rune.

Poof! Poof poof poof! Everyone began stepping into the circle. But Jester’s new boots had a very tall heel, and she stumbled on her way forward. “Oh no!!!” She tripped and fell backwards onto her bright pink backpack. Six seconds. Five seconds.

Caleb, hearing her cry, turned and went to help her up. Four seconds, three seconds. But Jester’s boot was very stuck. Two seconds. She finally found her feet, but in doing so, pulled Caleb off balance. One second. Jester tried to shove Caleb back on balance, and he fell flat on his seat in the middle of the empty floor.

The circle was gone, and Caleb was out of components.


	2. Night One

“Oh Shit!! Oh no!!” Jester’s mouth fell open in a perfect O. “We missed it!! I’m so so sorry Caleb! My boot got caught and I tripped, and then you tripped, and we- I have to tell the others they are probably so worried!!

“OMIGOSH BEAUUUU we missed the circle, I tripped and Caleb tried to help me up but then he fell and now he’s out of chalk!”

Her eyes filled with sudden, helpless tears. She was going to help Mama! And smell salt air, and feel the sun! And Mama was going to sing, she said so, and-

Beau’s reply came through. “Crap, Jess! When are yall gonna be able to come thru? What does Caleb need? Should we go on to your mom’s place and wait-“

Jester flomped on the floor next to Caleb. “What are we gonna dooo? Beau wants to know if we will be able to get there today or if we need to wait and if you can get the things you need and should they just go to Mama’s?”

He sighed. “Well I am out of my chalks, the shop will probably be open tomorrow morning, since it is getting late today, and going through the snow, we would not be able to get there before it closes today. So tomorrow we can get to Nicodranas. I’m so sorry, Jester.”

“Ok so just go to Mama’s, Caleb says we can get fancy chalk tomorrow morning when the shop opens so I guess we’ll see you-“ the message cut off. “Ughhh I need to start counting my words beforehand!”

Beau responded, “We will see ya tomorrow then, we’ll let Marion know what happened and I will watch her performance and tell you about it. See ya!”

Jester blew a loud raspberry and tipped onto her back, staring at the ceiling. “Mama was going to sing tonight, Caleb! Beau says she’ll tell me about it but it’s not the same!! She was practicing a really pretty Zemnian song too, she told me about it last week when I talked to her! I wanted you to hear it.”

Caleb’s face came into view, strands of his dark auburn hair coming undone from his ponytail. “Well I cannot claim to be as good entertainment as your mother, but maybe we can have dinner together tonight, hm?”

“Really? That would be so wonderful, Caleb! You are so sweet!”

It was nice to see his face go from concern and maybe a little aggravation? to something softer and gentler. The shadows cast on his face made him look older and more tired. But it was still a very nice face. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek as she stood and dusted off her skirts. “Thank you Caleb!”

“Well, ah, well, I think I am going to do some reading, Essek lent me a book on dunamancy that I have been wanting to get in to, so,”

“Yeah yeah! I’ll let you read then! I’ll see you in a few hours for dinner!”

—

She had a DATE with Caleb, an actual real life DATE with someone! Sure, it was only with like one of her best friends in the world, and it wasn’t like they hadn’t spent time alone before, but this was different!

Down in the kitchen, Jester began getting out the things they would need. The snow was still falling thick and fast, so a soup would be nice. With potatoes and carrots from their garden, and dumplings. Caduceus had been teaching her a little bit of cooking.

As the water began to boil, and Jester was adding the vegetables, Caleb came in, rubbing at the back of his neck. He yawned widely. “Hallo, Jester. Need any help?”

“No no, I think I’m all set! Did you fall asleep? You have blanket wrinkles on your face, just there.”

He rubbed at the spot she indicated. “Ja, I think I did there for a bit.”

They chatted about this and that while the soup was cooking. About the books they were both reading. Where they wanted to explore next. Whether Fjord was going to start puking saltwater again. And whether the snow would stop by tomorrow. If it didn’t… well, that was a conversation for later.

It was just so easy to talk to Caleb. As easy as taking to the Traveler, really! When dinner was done, they washed the dishes together- she washed, Caleb dried.

But it was late, and they wanted to get an early start tomorrow, so they needed to go to bed.

“Gute nacht, Jester.”

“Um, Caleb?”

“Ja?”

“Nevermind. I’ll see you tomorrow.”


	3. Night Two

The snow was still falling the next morning, it was now over the bottom of the windows on the first floor. Jester used all her spells to tearfully tell the rest of the Nein this, and to help plan the recovery of what was discovered to be a Wand of Wonder. 

Afterwards, Jester roamed the house for a while. She rotated all the books around, moved all Fjord’s furniture three inches to the left, and laid some other small pranks before going to look for Caleb. 

He was, of course, in the laboratory, bundled to the ears despite the roaring fire. 

“Hiiii Caleb! Whatcha doing?

He jumped, knocked out of his quiet study by her whirlwind. “I’m, ah, just copying over some spells and then I have some reading to do.”

“Can I join you? Will you be lonely without me?”

That got a small smile. “Jester, I would be absolutely desolate in your absence, of course. But I am afraid I need a bit of quiet, these spells are quite complicated.”

“Oh,” she said. She fidgeted with a string on her cuff. “I guess I’ll leave you alone then! I’ll go paint the kitchen or something.”

“Mm,” his attention was already back on his books, and Jester left silently the way she came. 

—

The house was very quiet. What time was it? How long had he been reading? Caleb thought for a moment. It must be around midnight, surely. The lack of a visible sun in Rosohna made it difficult to know the exact time. Aggravating. 

Caleb rolled his shoulders and neck, hearing the pops and crackles of too much time spent hunched over. He might have lied to Jester just a little bit. He did have spells to transfer over. He also had a dunamancy textbook from Essek, yes. But he hadn’t been reading that one. No, the choice of literature tonight was a novel describing a tawdry affair between a princess and the keeper of a bookshop, _Between the Shelves._ it was very compelling. 

He wasn’t reading it just for the smut. It had a good storyline. There was some political intrigue, a love triangle, duels, kidnapping attempts, the whole gamut. The smut was there too, but. 

Hm. Some tea would be nice about now. Maybe not Caduceus’ exotic dead family blends. But maybe some mint tea. 

As he rummaged in a cupboard for the tea bags, he realized that it really was very quiet in the house. Was Jester asleep? She seemed to stay up late when all their friends were here. Her laughter could be heard throughout the house.

Frumpkin’s tail twitched as Caleb sent him a silent request. “Canst du Jester gefunden? Wo ist sie… ist sie geschlafen oder?”

The cat slunk around the door. Caleb blinked slowly and sent his thought to his familiar. 

—

Frumpkin padded as quietly as only a Fey King could. Where was the bright one? 

He peeked around doors, delicately sniffed the floor. Was she up higher? She was not in the soft room where she lays down. Or in the room with all the couches and cushions. Higher up?

The snow was still falling underneath the dark sky. The lights from the tree sparkled on the snow below and lit up the falling flakes like confetti. Frumpkin resisted the urge to chase some flakes around. He was on a mission for his master. 

There were footprints in the snow, leading to the tree. He placed his paws delicately in the indents. Snow was always a bother to get out from toe floof. Maybe his master would help. 

Reaching the base of the tree, he looked up and miaowed questioningly. 

A horned face, surrounded by fluffy blue waves of hair, met his vision. She was sitting on one of the lower branches. 

“Hello, sweetie Frumpkin. Want ups with me?” She hopped down from the branch, grabbed him around his middle, and awkwardly clambered back up. It was an uncomfortable few moments but they eventually got settled, Frumpkin nestled amongst the flounces of Jester’s skirt.

She was being quiet. This was strange. Usually the bright one burst with a vibrant energy, bubbly but gentle. She was fey-touched. But tonight she just sat, kicking her foot, breathing slowly. Her face was lifted away from him. 

Even without his master’s emotions coming through, Frumpkin wanted to bring back some of that good chaos. The Fey King has to uphold the reputation of his kingdom, after all. He stood up and rubbed his face against the blue woman’s arm and chest, purring loudly. If he had the capacity he would have snickered at his master’s blush he could feel through the bond as he did so.

Jester looked down at him, and scratched him under the chin. “Sorry, Frumps,” she said. “Just feeling a little, hm. I’m lonely. It’s hard to not have my friends here.” She signed and pressed her lips to the top of his head. He butted her chin and she let out a giggle. Much better. He settled back down and closed his eyes.

Up to you now, he thought. 

—

Caleb stepped out into the cold night air, his shoulders immediately bunching under his scarf. He could make out the spot of vibrant blue and pink amongst the lower branches of the tree. 

Jester looked up as he approached and started to grin broadly before her face settled into a smaller half smile. “Hi,” she said. “Thanks for sending Frumpy. He’s been a real sweetie.”

“I brought some tea, if you’d like some. Mint.” He raised one of the two mugs. It was one of Jester’s own, a chunky thing with a handle shaped like a doughnut. 

“Ooh!” She carefully scooped up Frumpkin out of her lap, ignoring the squawk of protest, and stepped into the snow. She came over and took the mug out of his hands. Did her fingers maybe brush his for longer than necessary?

Internally Caleb groaned. _Mein gott_ , you’re behaving like a schoolboy, he thought. You need to lay off the smut. 

She had moved away, brushing snow off the simple stone bench under the tree. She patted the seat next to her, and Caleb sat, making sure to keep a modest fifteen inches between them. 

For a few moments, they sipped their tea in silence. It was curious, how soft and quiet Jester could be, for all her exuberance. 

“Whatcha thinking about?” She asked, breaking the silence.

“You.”

The question had caught him off guard, and he answered truthfully without thinking. He flinched and glanced sideways at her, catching a sparkle in her eyes through a purple blush on her cheeks. She dropped her gaze to her cup, her eyes narrowed, a small smile. Ah, Jester was truly her mother’s daughter. Caleb had been taught enough about emotional manipulation to know he was being played. Was that so bad, though, when it came from Jester Lavorre?

“I’m sure there are better things to think about! Like the snow!” The snow that was settling on her horns and her long eyelashes. “You’ve seen snow a lot, huh? I never saw snow until Uthodurn. It never got cold enough in Nicodranas, of course. Always sunny there! I like the snow. It’s so quiet and peaceful. Isn’t it nice just to watch it come down?”

“Ja, it snows a lot where I… where I grew up. Not, um, not this much though. Have you noticed that all the snowflakes are different?”

_Smooth move, Widogast. Good line._

That was literally a line from chapter 5 of _Between the Shelves._

Get your mind out of the gutter. 

“No way, really?” She placed her tea on the bench and held out long blue fingers, catching some of the snowflakes and holding them up to her eyes. “Holy crap, you’re right! That’s crazy! There are so many different shapes!” She pulled her sketchbook out of her side pouch. Jester treated her sketchbooks the same way Caleb treated his spellbooks. 

Caleb smiled as he watched her concentrate on the three flakes she had in her hand. The snowflake drawings soon joined a sketch of Frumpkin in a snow hat, several designs for new dresses, and some writing that looked like Infernal on the page.

“Do you want to try to draw some?” She scooted over and offered him the open sketchbook. “There’s still some room on this page! I bet you’d be able to copy them down, you’re always writing those runes and things!”

She was very close. The snowflakes on her eyelashes were close enough to see the variations. The freckles across her cheekbones glittered in the lights from the tree. She was very close. It would take just a small movement to-

_Nein. Nein, nein, nein, gottverdammt._

“Oh, of, of course, Jester, I can certainly try.”

—

Why had he pulled away? 

What had that flinch been about? 

Why did he look like he was hurting? 

Maybe he had a crick in his neck or something? Jester didn’t think she had said anything weird. Had she? Maybe she had some ink or something gross on her face. Oh my gods, did she have a booger or an eye crusty? Turning away to grab her mug, she quickly scrubbed at her face. She didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary. 

Sipping her tea, she watched as Caleb drew two small snowflakes next to the hatted Frumpkin. He took his time. Everything he did was very deliberate. But the snowflakes did turn out very nice, she thought. 

“Well,” he said as he handed the sketchbook back. “It isn’t as good as yours, of course, but there you have it. We should probably get to bed, it is very late. Or early. Depending on which way you are looking.”

Jester stood as well. She took a long time replacing the silk bookmark of her sketchbook. “Umm, can I ask a favor of you?”

“Of course, Jester, what is it that you need?”

“Can we sleep together tonight?”

Caleb dropped his mug, and it shattered on the ground.

“Not like that!” Jester felt her own blush creeping up on her cheeks. “Not like Hrm-Hrm-Hrm sleeping together, just like sleeping-sleeping together! It’s so quiet in the house with everyone gone and I don’t like it and I don’t want to be alone and I know that’s weird and I guess I can just sleep in my room all by myself, it’s okay, I’ll just-”

“Jester, Jester.” His quiet voice cut through her embarrassed babble. He’s gonna let her down gently, of course he wouldn’t want to, it would be super weird, after all! Even though he had slept with Veth when she was Nott, but just like literally slept in the same bed, although he had been acting pretty weird since Yeza had returned so maybe they had?

Caleb was slowly picking up the pieces of the mug. “If you are that lonely, then of course we can share a room. I can take Beau’s bed, just don’t tell her, ja?”

He looked up at her with a tender smile, although the blush was still high on his cheeks. 

“Yeah, thank you, Caleb.”

——

Later that night, after the mug had been repaired with some uses of Mending and Jester had changed into a lacy yellow nightdress and Caleb had turned off the lights in the room, he heard a soft whisper from the other bed. 

“Hey, Caleb?”

“Yes, Jester?”

“Can you- I mean- can Frumpkin come snuggle with me?” 

In a couple of seconds, since Frumpkin liked to sleep under the blankets, the cat padded over to the second bed and jumped into Jester’s arms. Caleb heard her murmuring sweet nothings in Infernal to the Fey creature and giving rapid-fire kisses to the top of his head. 

Caleb rolled onto his side, away from Jester, and resisted the urge to look through his familiar’s senses. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frumpkin-vision!


	4. Night Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's really long, sorry

Jester uncurled from around Frumpkin and stretched luxuriously, hearing her bones crackling a little with the stretch. She yawned loudly and then opened her eyes. 

To see the other bed empty, blankets folded, and the whole bed made up more crisply and nicely than Beau ever did it. 

For some reason the empty bed made her feel a little sad. When did he wake up? How did he sneak away without her hearing? Did he even sleep in the room or did he leave after she fell asleep? She sighed and snuggled back down into the bed, wrapping her arms around him and holding him under her chin. 

“I wish he had stayed,” she said quietly to the cat. “It’s so lonely by myself. Beau and I would always stay up talking until late at night… Hey wait, Caleb, are you listening to me right now?” Jester picked up Frumpkin and looked him straight in the eyes. “You better not be creeping on me!” And she gave Frumpkin a quick kiss on the nose before setting him down and getting dressed for the day. 

—

Caleb brought his awareness out of his familiar almost too late.

He breathed deeply through his nose, einz, zwei, drei. He had spells to check! Formulas to copy over! The snow showed no sign of stopping today, so he had time for his Plan. 

_Stay on task, Widogast!_

After all, Jester deserved the best. She may not get to hear her mother sing in person for a few more days, but in the meantime he would do what he could to make her smile. Jester gets lonely so easily. 

And with that thought came the quick patter of her feet on the stairs. They were going to message Beauregard and the Nein concerning the heist of the wand that was going to happen tonight, and since Caduceus realized he could also send messages this would be much easier. 

Several sending spells later, they said goodbye to the Nein. Hopefully it went well for them. There were several unknowns about security that might cause trouble later. 

Caleb twisted the ends of his scarf nervously. “Ah, Jester, are you ah, busy tonight?”

She laughed. “Of course not, Caleb! What could I possibly be doing?”

“Good point. Then join me in the Happy Room at 8 tonight, after dinner. Fancy dress.”

“Ooh, a surprise? I am so excited!”

— 

At 8 o’clock precisely Caleb stepped in to the Happy Room. Luckily the furniture was still pushed to the sides of the room, so there was plenty of space in the middle for his Grand Plan. 

Jester twirled in a few moments later. Oh _mensch_ , it was just not fair for her to look that good. He could almost feel the tension dropping off his shoulders to see her spinning, showing off her dress. It was a lavender color, with thin straps to fully show off her glittering tattoo. The bodice was shaped and fitted, but the waist down was made up of a million tiny pleats, so the light fabric flowed outward with every movement. How was she not freezing? The Xhorhaus was definitely feeling the cold, despite the fires burning in the occupied rooms. Caleb had his black coat buttoned up to his chin, and one of his nicer scarves wrapped around his neck. 

“Hallooooo, Caleb! I am ready for my surprise! Oh you look very handsome! I’m surprised you can do your own hair really, not that that was meant to be mean! But I thought Fjord usually tied your hair up for you, but it looks good!” That made him feel better about the bun his hair was in, he hadn’t been impressed with this handiwork. Usually Fjord did do his hair. She was grinning at his embarrassment, sharp canines flashing. “Where would you like me to sit?”

“Right here,” he said, motioning her to a seat at the edge of the room. She traipsed past him, allowing him to breathe in the scent of her perfume. Traveller, how was this legal. How. (Did he hear a slight chuckle in his mind at that?) Jester perched on the edge of the chair, excitement glowing all over her face. “I don’t suppose you remember the name of the song your mother was working on?”

Her brow furrowed. “Hmmmm. That’s a good question. I wish I had your memory. It was some Zemnian name?” Jester looked hopefully at him. “I suppose that doesn’t help much. It was something like, something like, ‘Biss doo baymur’?”

“Oh! ‘Bist du bei Mir.’ I know that one. That is one of my favorite songs, this will be very easy actually.”

Caleb took a deep breath. The spell and its effects were not going to be easy, at all, whatever he had told Jester. He began to trace the symbols with both hands, willing his vision to come to life around them. In moments, the small space took on the appearance of the Lavish Chateau, seeming to grow larger with each second. The lights were dim, and on the landing above was Jester’s mother, the Ruby of the Sea, clad in navy silk and her hand resting gently on the banister. 

He heard Jester’s breath catch. He knew he had gotten the visual details right, and allowed himself a small smile. Now for the hard part, since he had never actually heard Marion sing this particular song. But an ear for music, and a familiarity with Jester’s own singing voice, helped fill in the gaps. 

The Ruby’s voice filled the room, accompanied by a simple quintet of instruments. 

_Bist du bei mir, geh ich mit Freuden_

_Zum Sterben und zu meiner Ruh._

_Ach, wie vergnügt wär so mein Ende,_

_Es drückten deine schönen Hände_

_Mir die getreuen Augen zu._

_Bist du bei mir, geh ich mit Freuden_

_Zum Sterben und zu meiner Ruh._

As the last quavering note fell away, Caleb opened his eyes. Jester had her hands clasped before her, staring at her mother with tears in her eyes. The illusion of Marion walked back up the stairs with a smile and a small wink in Jester’s direction, and disappeared behind a closed door. 

“Oh, Caleb, that was- that was- Oh, Caleb!” She flung her arms around his neck, causing him to stop breathing for a second as she buried her face in his neck. One of her horns was poking him in the cheek. After a moment, Caleb gently placed his hands on her back. “Caleb, that was lovely. You got her voice almost right! How?”

“Well, I just, ah, used what I know of your voice and sort of, mm, extrapolated on it with what I know of your mother’s, which admittedly is not a lot.”

“My voice isn’t anything like mama’s! Hers is so lovely and rich and she can hit the high notes perfectly and-”

“So is yours, Jester. You sell yourself so short always.” She pulled her face from his shoulder to look him in the eyes. He could feel his face flushing, traitorous skin. Eadwulf and Astrid had tormented him constantly about his inability to stop his blush. He got it after a few years, but that control has been lost along with so much else, in the sanatorium. He coughed and turned his head away to contemplate the immaterial surroundings. 

“What does that song mean, anyways? It sounded kind of sad? But also maybe, happy? Both?” 

Caleb frowned, translating the Zemnian into Common that wouldn’t sound completely wrong. “It’s something like, 

_Stay thou with me, and I will go with joy_

_To death and to my rest._

_Ah, how my end would bring me contentment,_

_If pressing with your beautiful hands,_

_Thou did my faithful eyes then close._

_Stay thou with me, and I will go with joy_

_To death and to my rest.”_

He met her eyes and saw that she was smiling a sad, soft smile. “I can see why you like that song, Caleb.”

He found himself smiling back at her. “Ja, I thought you would be able to see it.”

“Can you play it one more time?”

“Of course, Jester.” He set the illusion in motion once more. Jester swayed gently to the music, her eyes closed, breathing in the melody. Once it was over, she kept her eyes closed. Caleb saw a tear leak out from under her lid. A big sniff, and she was her usual smiley self. 

“Caleb, Caleb, Caleb! I just had a thought!”

“Jester, Jester, Jester! What is it?”

He knew the imitation would get a giggle. Gods, when did he start doing any stupid shit if he knew it would make her laugh, make her smile, make her notice him for one damn second?

“Dance with me! Can you play a dance for us? One where you’re not breathing alcohol down my neck and calling me other women’s names?” She flashed that mischievous fanged grin at him as he groaned. 

“I do owe you one, don’t I?” Luckily waltzes were easy. He had a whole stash of scores in his memory. Dancing was also a skill he had to learn as a Volstrucker. He stood and offered her a hand. “Jester? Will you dance with me?” Formality never hurt anyone. 

Her smile was the sun, and he just a weed in its glow, bending any way he could for it to shine on him (that was from chapter 7 of his book). She put her hand in his and got to her feet. 

The rest of the night was a blend of softened lights, the smell of Jester’s lavender perfume, gentle music (he had to recast the spell several times, luckily he had the magical space to do so), and the feel of Jester’s left hand in his, her right hand on his shoulder, feeling the light velvet of her dress wrap around his legs as he spun her in a slow circle. At the end of his magical capabilities, the lights faded, the Chateau disappeared, and they were in the dark, cold, room in the Xhorhaus, the fire reduced to embers hours ago. 

“Can I, ah, shall I walk you to your room?” He offered her his arm and she tucked her hand around his elbow. They were only going twelve steps but it was the principle of the thing. 

He didn’t want to let her go. He wanted to keep her hand on his arm forever. Wanted to feel her touch as they danced. Wanted to take her into his arms and, and… 

They were at the door, now. She dropped her hand from his elbow, and instead wrapped her fingers in his. “Thank you, Caleb,” she whispered. “That was, yeah, that was, that was fun. Nice. I had a great time.” She now was holding both of his hands. Gods, she was beautiful. 

“Ja,” he responded. “Ja, thank you. I haven’t danced like that in, in a long time.” She was smiling at him, at him, and her eyes left his and went down to his nose, his lips, ach, her lips, she was so perfect, her deep blue skin sparkled with diamond dust and freckles and she bit that perfect lip and now- was he moving? Was she?- so close to her and it would be so easy. So not easy. 

He placed his forehead against hers and sighed. “Oh, Jester.” They stayed that way for a long few moments, noses almost touching, almost closer. 

“Caleb?” Jester said, softly. “You can kiss me if you want.”

His hands tightened convulsively around hers. “Jester, I, I, I,” his brain stopped working. His ears were filled with a buzzing like a horde of beehives. Surely she hadn’t said what he thought she had just said. 

“I don’t think- I mean, I don’t know if- Jester, you- I mean,” and he struggled to get his brain back to the present, to what had been a perfect perfect moment. “Jester, you,”

He finally looked her in the eyes and he was surprised to see tears pooling. 

“I only just meant like an as-friends kiss, Caleb, nasty man! That was a fun date, thank you! It’ll be good to see everyone tomorrow! I’m gonna go to bed now, goodnight!” Her voice, false and high and bright, stabbed through his heart with every word. She opened the door and slipped through it. 

_Idiot, idiot, IDIOT, dummes, du dummes Stück Scheiße, what have you DONE_

\---

Stupid, stupid, stupid girl. What did you think he was gonna do? Push you against the door and ravish you all night like in _Between the Shelves_? She dashed away the angry tears from her eyes. He was just being nice. He’s always so nice and polite and sweet and kind and gentle and he didn’t want to kiss her. 

And she had severely embarrassed herself. How was she going to look him in the face tomorrow? He’s gonna think she’s so stupid with her dreams and smutty novels and little-girl hopes. 

She should take this dress off before it wrinkled but Jester just couldn’t bring herself to. She sat on the bed, breathing deeply. It’s okay, she told herself. Everything’s fine, everything's FINE, they can still be friends and she’ll tease him not wanting to kiss her later. 

There was a soft noise outside the door, a quiet humming. 

Caleb was humming the melody of Bist du bei mir, softly, to himself. 

Jester sniffed loudly and tiptoed to the door. 

“Jester, Jester, blaubeere, liebe, mein shatz, es tut mir leid, es tur mir leid, bitte…”

There was a large sigh and a thump from about knee height, it seemed that Caleb had rested his head on the door. 

“Scheiße…”

Jester sat on the floor too, and bonked her head a little harder than necessary, definitely totally on purpose so Caleb would know she was there. 

“I am so sorry, Jester. I didn’t mean to, to make you sad or embarrassed.”

She stayed quiet, listening to her heart beating in her ears. 

“Why am I even still here,” a groan. “I’m… I’m tired. Just, so tired. Tired of feeling like shit. Tired of wanting. Tired of…. just tired of feeling.

“Do I want to kiss you, Jester. Of course I do. Who doesn’t? Everyone who sees you loves you. But from someone like, someone like me, that would just be, be, a dimming, a cover, a smothering blackness. I’ve got too much shit in my past, I can’t subject you to that. 

“You need someone like Fjord, someone strong, confident, who can protect you and keep you safe. Your knight in shining armor, someone who can give you gentle waters and a safe haven. Who doesn’t have the most dangerous wizards in the world chasing him. Who can touch you with hands not stained black with blood…”

He trailed off in a strangled sound. Jester once again had tears on her face. Why couldn’t Caleb see? 

She stood, brushed off her skirt, and opened the door slightly. Caleb turned his face away from her, looking at the floor. She closed it behind her. 

“I’m not… I can’t be… the man for you, Jester. I just, you… you…”

Jester stomped her foot. “Now you listen to me.” Her harsh tone made Caleb snap his face to her in surprise. In the darkness, she knew he wouldn’t be able to see much of her, but she could clearly see the look of hatred and self-loathing on his face. 

“There was so much shit coming out of your mouth I'm surprised at how clean the floor is. I don’t even know where to start with you. 

“You think I want to be protected? You think I want to be kept safe? I spent gods know how many years locked in the Chateau, kept safe. Secure. Sound. You think I want to go back to that?

“So you did some fucked up stuff. Guess what? I don’t care! Whatever sins are in your past are countered by all the good we’ve been doing. Saving people, Caleb. Helping people. Keeping people alive, Caleb!”

He shut his eyes, a pained look on his face. “Jester, I-“

“No! You don’t get to talk right now! Stand up and look me in the face!” 

He took a deep breath. “No. No, I can’t. I won’t.” He buried his head in his hands to avoid looking at her. 

“Fine.” She stepped over and placed herself in his lap, straddling his legs and facing him. His whole body seized up like she had dropped freezing water on him. His hands hovered awkwardly away from his face.

“You asked for this, Caleb. Look.” She softened her tone. “Caleb. Caleb. Please, look at me.” The soft plea worked where shouts and demands did not. 

“I know you have a past. I know that affects your present. I know you carry those scars with you. But I like the person you are now. I do. Someone who has seen the depths of depravity and still wakes up with a brave face. Someone who hates themselves but has so much love for others. Are you aware how much you matter to all of us? To me?” Tears were streaming down her face. Why couldn’t she find the words to make him understand? 

But he wanted to believe, she thought. There was a hunger in his eyes and a fire. “Caleb,”

His hands came up to cup her face, barely touching her skin. Caleb’s rough thumbs brushed away her tears. “Please, don’t cry for me. I’m not worth it.” She leaned into his touch. “I’m so, I’m just,” he sighed. “I know that I am not the person for you, Jester.”

Jester closed her eyes against more tears. 

“But… I am so tired.” And his hands, still gentle around her face, pulled her forward. Tilted her chin up.

His touch was much more delicate than she expected. Their lips touched, just a whisper. She inhaled shakily, the scent of ash and campfire and paper that always hung around Caleb filling her brain. She pushed a little, testing. How does one kiss, anyway? Oh no. Was she doing it wrong? What if he didn’t like kissing her? What if she was… bad? Can someone be bad at kissing? The books she had read mostly skipped over the kissing part and went to the naked part… From what Jester had seen you just put your lips together and then kind of open and close your mouth a bit? And sometimes tongues? Oh no, oh no, oh-

Oh. 

Caleb’s hands tightened around her face, pulling her in closer. His lips parted slightly, inviting her to move with him. This was kissing. Like for real kissing. This was much more wonderful than a kiss underwater while almost drowning. He moved so slowly, as though worried she would pull away. She pushed in, wanting more, moved faster. Was this okay? He made a small sound in his throat and tangled his hands in her hair. 

Hands. Her hands! Where were her hands? Just by her sides, just stupidly! What should she be doing with them? Gods, it’s so hard to think about hands when his mouth was leading her, still gentle against her. She put her hands up to his neck. Maybe there? She brushed against the scruff of his beard. He hadn’t shaved in a while, had he? It kind of tickled against her cheek. She had never contemplated the feeling of kissing a man with a beard!

Caleb moved his hands to her waist and brought her closer. She could feel the warmth of his coat and his body, was it hot in here? His mouth left hers and she let out a small sound, was she that bad after all? But no, he was trailing soft small kisses along her jaw, down her neck, oh her neck, that definitely felt like the descriptions. She felt goosebumps rising on her skin, and she never had goosebumps before, and she was practically shaking now, what was she supposed to do while he was now nibbling her neck where it met her shoulder? Should she be doing something with her hands? The thin strap of her dress slipped down over her shoulder. Her brain was humming, she couldn’t do more than gasp with every move he made. 

Jester pulled his mouth back to hers. She wanted- no, needed- something, something, something, she was going to explode, she couldn’t tell what her hands were doing only that it felt right and he was still kissing her so she must be doing okay. His tongue gently flicked against her lips and what was that sound she made oh that was embarrassing but Gods, she just couldn’t help it. She returned the action and heard a growl in his throat, his hands tightening around her, his thumbs making little circles, higher and higher...

He broke away from her roughly, gasping a little in the sudden cold. She went limp against his chest, feeling their hearts pounding in unison. Caleb stood, gently removing her from his lap. 

“I’m sorry, Jester, I should have asked, I’m sorry for-“ 

Jester hummed and ran her fingers against his cheeks, bringing their lips together. She melted into his embrace, kissing him slowly and gently. She could feel his smile on hers, and knowing that she brought him that happiness made her glow. 

“Should we go to bed now?”

“Ja, ja, I think we should.”


	5. Returning

Caleb woke slowly the next morning. His eyes stayed closed for a while, his relentless brain ticking through the minutes. Jester was asleep in his arms and she fit perfectly in the curve of his body, her knees pulled up to her chest and her head under his chin. The horns were a little tricky to work around, he was sure he had a few small bruises from where they had been resting all night.

They hadn’t stayed up long once they got into her room. Jester changed out of her beautiful dress and Caleb had taken off his coat and boots before they snuggled up under the patchwork quilt that Jester had “borrowed” from an inn. She fell asleep almost as soon as she closed her eyes, smiling a little in her sleep.

Gods, she was beautiful. He could count every freckle on that perfect nose. He got to 374 before closing his eyes again and pulling her closer.

Although the Nein frequently slept near each other, and due to the lack of space often ended up cuddled next to one person or another, she had never slept in his arms. Or anyone’s arms. And astrid had never curled against him like this, so vulnerable and soft and warm.

Jester had stayed with him. He had laid himself bare before her, all his hatred and doubt and fears and unworthiness. And she wanted to be with him still. She wouldn’t ever fix him. He was permanently broken, and he knew that. But Jester managed to slip through the cracks in his heart and make them seem a little smaller.

She hummed and uncurled her body, stretching every limb as far as it would go. He watched, entranced, as the fabric of her nightdress flowed over her skin. Scheiße, he was acting like a man dying of thirst, drinking in her beautiful blue skin (chapter 2. Between the Shelves was such a good book!)

“Good morning, Caleb. Sleep well?” Her voice was low and hoarse in waking.

“For once, yes. I did.”

She settled back in against him, and he ran his fingers through her hair, tracing her horns. “I don’t want to get up,” she said softly. “Do we have to get up?”

“Ja, Jester, we should. I probably need a bath.”

In mock surprise she sat up and put a hand on her chest. “Caleb Widogast! Did I just hear you say you need a bath? The man whose coat was so nasty when we first met it would stand up on its own? Who would smear his face with dirt and shit and who knows what else?”

He smiled at her jibes. “Ja, ja, ich weiss, I’m a stinky wizard, let me get up now.” He untangled himself from the bedclothes and stood up, shivering in the cold air. The fire had gone out during the night, and the room was freezing. “Before that, should we message the Nein and see how it went last night?” His head popped through the neck of his shirt and he caught her staring at him. “Mm? Can I help you with something?”

“Maybe later,” her eyebrows waggled at him. “I’ll send the message now.

“Helllooooo Beau! How did everything go last night did you get the wand were there traps Caleb and I spent all night having hot steamy“ and the spell cut off.

“Jester! Mein gott, was, was-“ he spluttered, red to the ears.

“Shushushush, I need to hear the response!” After a couple seconds, she heard Beauregard’s voice.

“I’m sorry WHAT about you and Caleb are you KIDDING me no Veth I’m not gonna ask about it EW oh right shit the heist!”

“I gotta send another message. Yeah Beau it was so hot he banged me against the door and augh Caleb I was joking, get Frumpy off of me, stop it!” He had Frumpkin sitting on top of her head and batting at her horns while she spoke.

Beau’s response came. “I hate you, and so does Veth and Fjord. Recovered wand. Traps yes, nobody died. Another mean rug. No repercussions. When you coming back here?” Jester could hear her counting words in her head, likely egged on by Veth.

“So they got the wand back, easy peasy, she says it’s all good. When are we able to join them, she asks?”

Caleb walked to the window and peered out. “Well, it looks like the streets are clear, so let’s get our boots and coats and we can go see if the shop is open. If not I may be able to borrow some chalk from Essek. I owe him many favors already; what’s one more.”

“I’ll send one more message but then I’m not gonna do Any. More. Good job Neiiiiin! We’ll be there later today, it finally stopped snowing, so we gotta buy chalk and then we can leave! Miss you lots!” She was very proud at herself for getting exactly twenty-five words that time.

“Alright dope! Veth wants to hear all the dirty details even though I told her you were probably joking about Caleb. You were joking, right??”

—-

A couple of hours later, Jester twirled out of her room into the Happy Room, her skirts flying around her and her jewelry tinkling. She tapped across to Caleb, deftly avoiding the careful chalk marks on the floor. She pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Almost done?”

“Ja, ja, nearly.” She began a sort of hopscotch game through the runes, pointing out each one that looked even slightly phallic.

“Um, Jester…” his eyebrows furrowed.

“Jaaa?”

“Are those your new boots?”

She poked out a toe. “They sure are! Aren’t they cute? I got them here in Rosohna!”

“You seem very stable on that tall heel, today. Compared to a few days ago.”

She blushed and gave him a guilty smile. “It does seem that way, doesn’t it?”

Caleb pulled her in for a long hug. “You are very sneaky.” He kissed her triumphant smile and loved her, loved her, loved her despite himself. “Shall we go?”

He finished the rune, grabbed her hand, and pulled her through into the bright Nicodranan sun. Where Fjord would scowl holes in Caleb’s head, Veth would pester Jester for every dirty detail, Caduceus would nod condescendingly (as though he had planned this), Yasha would smile that soft smile of hers, and Beau would punch Caleb on the shoulder in a painful congratulations. Jester’s hand fit perfectly in his, and it felt so right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


End file.
